No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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