Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
