he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dignity is for republicans.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoofâ€
Randomize
