I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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