After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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