If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
