Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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