Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
