can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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