This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize