nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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