guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
