All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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