I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
