Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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