So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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