Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
