Your dad touched me again.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
