He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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