omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
