my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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