I hate your face
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
