I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
