I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
