He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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