when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize