Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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