Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Welp...herpes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
