I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
