Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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