I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
