i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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