Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
