Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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