I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
