you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
