i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
