By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
