I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
