Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
