i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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