Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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