Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
