I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
