Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A+ Viking dick
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize