careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
