For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
