I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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