How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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