We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
