you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
