3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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