She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
