is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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