so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
