Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
