Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you traded sex for a burrito?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
