I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
