we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize