margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
