You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
