The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
