I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
