Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
