he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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