your room smells of hookers.
And success
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
