1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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